Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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