you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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