You're so nebulous sometimes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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