i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
