I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
