I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
