dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
