I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
