Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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