We won't sleep together?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
