i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
