so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
