Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The power of my boobs compel you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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