i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
