don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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