I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
