She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
