if you like me you must not know who I am
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
