She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
