she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
