I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im holly from the hills drunk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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