He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
