i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
