I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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