come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i think im in europe. pls send help
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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