Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
