So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
