I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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