Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
