Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
