Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
