OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
