I feel great
I just peed on a car
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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