I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
