I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
