I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
