The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
