you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
