I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
