i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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