Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
