so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
accomplished twins. life is a go
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
