after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
