I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
