So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
