I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
