they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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