i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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