I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
