it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
