I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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