i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
