oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
