waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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